how to love

Love is food but fast food ain't Love

Delicious pizza.JPG

Love is food but fast food ain't love.

Recipe for “How to make the best pizza and have the best love life ever!” 

I am a southern Italian girl from a small city who became a linguist and traveled the world. I am also a strict food connoisseur, and a gourmet chef, but when I am really hungry my roots don’t lie and all I want is a delicious, juicy, hot pizza! So I will use pizza to illustrate my point, but you can replace pizza with your favorite dish and apply the same principles.

Before we get started with my Love/Pizza recipe, let me explain why I wrote this recipe in the first place (aside from the fact that it was my answer to a Quora question).

  • I believe that Love is the "Main Dish" and true food for our soul (everything else in life is a side dish).
  • Without feeling love in our hearts our souls starve, leaving us at great risk of hurting ourselves and others with destructive behaviors.
  • Our need for food is undeniably an indispensable necessity, as we die without it. In the same way our unmet non-physical needs — psychological, spiritual, emotional — cause much of our suffering and troubles in life.

Inspired and excited about this concept, I have created my “Recipes for Life, Love & Happiness”. I share these recipes both in speaking and writing. (To book a speaking event with me contact me here).

  • If I were to make pizza to satisfy my hunger, I would need flour, water, yeast, and salt for the crust. I would then knead it and wait for it to rise.
  • While I am waiting, I would make a simple tomato sauce.
  • I would then set aside some yummy mozzarella; and some anchovies, olives, capers, fresh garlic and extra oregano for my no-cheese pizza. (I always make two versions, but the no-cheese "napoletana" style is actually my all time favorite).
  • Next, I would stretch the fluffy dough into a thin crust (the thinner the better), top it as I wish and place it in the oven to bake.
  • Once cooked to perfection, I would finally dive into this succulent delicacy and absolutely delight myself in every single morsel until I’m fully satisfied!

Take a deep breath 'cause I'm about to drop a bomb...

It randomly dawned on me (not sure why and how) that, as crazy as it sounds - Love isn't far from pizza -

I know it sounds a bit weird, but bear with me.

Here is what I mean:

  • Pizza satisfies my physical hunger / Love satisfies my soul’s hunger.
  • I am in charge of how much effort I make and the kind of ingredients I put in it (my relationships).
  • It takes time, quality, and a lot of hard work.

The most important part of making your pizza delicious and satisfying is knowing exactly how I want it to taste (when you eat it) before I start making it. This applies for anything you cook or prepare — as well as for anything in life.

True Love, like home made real pizza, doesn’t come out of a box instantly ready.

If you want it to be flavorful and nutritious you have to make it that way.

If you want it to taste the way you like it, you have to make it that way.

Be patient for your ingredients and your efforts to produce the results you want. Patience, perseverance and consistence are your foundational ingredients. (You cannot build anything without those, let alone a relationship!)

  • Commit to being the initiator of kindness at any opportunity.
  • Start with a smile, add a kind and encouraging word.
  • Serve in some way that doesn’t serve you back, in other words give without the expectation of receiving in return.
  • When you feel hurt, sadness, or pain, do not hide or pretend you’re ok. Shame isolates us from our loved ones and the world around us. So be authentic and vulnerable. This is not easy, but by sharing how you really feel you open the door for your partner, friend, or family member to share themselves safely with you. Vulnerability requires courage but while it makes you feel temporarily weak, it is powerful to overcomes anything, because it builds trust. It is the lifeblood of all relationships, don't wait to share your true self. 
  • If someone hurts you, acknowledge how it felt, but focus on what could possibly be going on with them, rather than how it made you feel. This will help you forgive them and heal quickly.

The more we put these ingredients in our heart and in our life, the more we feel the love we long for. 

This is what is paradoxical about Love, if we wait to "feel"  love in order to act lovingly, we might never taste true Love. 

Love is not the beginning of our actions, it is the result of what we choose to think. What we choose to think determines how we choose to act.

Love, our delicious, nourishing and satisfying soul food isn’t fast food.

Paradoxically, the more we feast on love by cultivating it the more it grows inside of us — and the more we grow and thrive.

To close, here is a quote from my mom (who was an incredible cook): "Più ce ne metti più ce ne trovi!" Which literally means: "The more you put in it the more you will find in it!” Her point was that if you put a lot of good stuff in your cooking, it'll be very yummy when you eat it. So if you put good stuff  in your relationships, instead of waiting for the good stuff to come to you from the other person, you will see your relationships grow.

I have eventually learned that my mom was right, and that simple truth was a powerful universal truth across the board, great old Italian wisdom for life!

P.S. If you enjoyed this recipe don’t hesitate to share with someone you love! Thank you